Sunday, March 25, 2012

ah, life

so, I recently re-read a couple of emails that I (stupidly) kept in my inbox. one was saying that I was not chosen to be a Fulbright scholar in Italy, and the other said that I was not chosen to receive a scholarship to travel to Italy for one month and learn Italian language.

again, it has me wondering. am I not meant to travel, even though I feel like it's what I want to do more than anything? again, it has me wondering whether education, while I do love it, was the right path for me. I've loved writing and photography since I was in high school. I had dreams of being a photojournalist. somehow, I abandoned that when other people told me they thought I would be a good teacher, so I went for it. I just feel stupid that I let other peoples' opinions on what I would be good at change the direction of my entire life, without stopping to take my own feelings into consideration.

it's not only that it's hard to travel as a teacher, but I feel old. it sounds stupid, but it's true. as a writing or photo major, I would have graduated 2 years ago, and who knows where I'd be now? I'm turning 25 this year, and I haven't accomplished nearly what I thought I would have by the time I was 25. I think for the past few years, I've been too caught up in living in the moment, and I literally took no time to realistically assess what I wanted to do with my life in the long-term. not once did I ever ask myself if this is what I really want to do. not once had anyone else asked me. I know I can be successful and I now that I will enjoy teaching, but there's always that but...

again, I don't want it to sound like I don't want to be a teacher anymore. I love special education. I love my students, and teaching them is challenging and fulfilling. I just want to do more. I'm struggling with inner peace, and I'm waging a war against myself.

by Wednesday, I should hopefully have a clearer idea. I just know that I can't turn back time.

Monday, March 19, 2012

a real update

I figure it's time for a "real" update! and what better time to do that than very early in the morning, munching on my breakfast? :)

all in all, everything has been going very well. I'm working as a student teacher for the very last time in a very nice district. I'm working in a high school room, which is very different than what I'm used to (mainly the fact that everyone is taller than me) but the kids are so great. and the school is gargantuan. there are something like 70 teachers, and the building, from one end to the other, is ¼ mile long. coming from more urban districts with lots of small buildings as opposed to a few huge buildings, it was quite a shock for me.

the best part, though, is that everyone is very helpful and accepting and nice, and the program in place for these kids is really cool. I really couldn't ask for anything better.

nostalgia has been a close friend, and I still think about Darwin a lot. I miss everyone so much sometimes. I keep in touch with my Aussie parents and Blake and a few others via facebook, which helps. I have so many memories around my apartment from my trip, and it honestly doesn't seem like I've been away for nearly 3 months.

my only struggle now is graduation (in 5 weeks!), and what I plan to do afterward. I've been going back and forth between applying for teaching jobs overseas. I've recently taken a trip down memory lane and dug up my old assignments from my photography class years ago. I started kicking myself for not sticking with it - I love teaching, but these decisions would have been so much easier had I been a photo major. but then, who knows where I'd be now. my life would be very different.

speaking of photos, I have no good ones to go along with this post, but you can always visit my photo blog - :)

Sunday, March 11, 2012

down to the wire

my last blog was a little morose, but I feel that it's important to acknowledge these things when considering, you know... my life.

traveling for a little while has really allowed me to experience a pretty profound paradigm change. traveling is neck and neck with my priorities of finding a job after graduation. it is expensive? yes. is it scary? heck yes. but it's exciting. I'm definitely exploring my options, and seeing what's out there.

I just wanted to clarify that I certainly haven't given up on teaching. certainly not before I've even started. there are lots of exciting opportunities for teachers abroad and in other US cities. I guess I will just have to see what happens.